A family-sized helping of queer festive cheer from Lotte and Stu. Your hosts ‘fess up to an Elf on The Shelf massacre, drop an exclusive Kristen Stewart story, discuss a trip to lesbian-friendly Lapland and review the best LGBT books for kids. Alongside other gin-soaked shenanigans and a cameo from the London Gay Men’s Chorus, Lotte and Stu also offer advice for encountering ignorance and homophobia from wider family members at Christmas and where to get support. So put the kids to bed, pour yourself a glass of ‘Parents Ruin’ and settle in for this cracker of an episode.
Help and support:
https://www.switchboard.org.uk/
https://www.stonewall.org.uk/help-and-advice
London Gay Men’s Chorus:
Some Families is a StoryHunter Production
Full transcription below.
STU: Ho ho ho Oh no Lottie I can’t do it Masculine father Christmas Merry Christmas to all our queer families out there Welcome back to some families for this incredibly special and fabulous Christmas episode
LOTTE: Happy Christmas everybody And hello we have actually missed you And the good news is we are working hard to bring you a second season which will be coming in the new year with some amazing guests
STU: Newsflash
LOTTE: We’ve started recording some episodes and we’ve got some very very special guests So please watch this space for our coming episodes in the new year We’ll be including some aunt Sandy moments you know there’s awful people that you meet out and about Who asked you just the most impertinent questions who make a rather grand appearance at Christmas I tend to think
STU: although actually this Christmas with the limit on family members that you’re able to see maybe you don’t have crusty old Sally sitting on your sofa munching her quality streets mainly about gays kissing on the tele at Christmas while she sits there in front of you and your children
LOTTE: So true Yeah I mean thanks Thanks tier two for that
STU: Well done
LOTTE: we’re back we’re back in the studio after So long recording on zoom and only seeing each other on screen where we’re in the same room we’re socially distanced but we you know we’re we’re we’re vibing off each other It’s nice
STU: It feels wonderful But I’ve noticed I keep looking at my laptop and not actually at you because it feels like you’re coming to me through the computer but you’re not your real life person I mean I can’t quite touch you because you are distanced from me but at least we are in the same room such a treat So how are you doing Laci How have things been
LOTTE: Well I mean what a year obviously I won’t bore you with the mundane details of our various challenges and struggles over this year but on the whole things are great And actually Christmas has come early for the Jeff’s family because well in this period of time between locked down We actually were able to go on a business trip and essential business trip because my wife and I are both journalists We were invited on a business trip to plant
STU: shut no way
LOTTE: We were reviewing a hotel in Lapland and we were able to take our daughter because she was actually modeling for the the hotel and the images that were taken And so we all went off on this COVID secure family business trip to Lapland we met the real guy and the good news is Stu I asked him and you’re all on his case Oh
It was an amazing privilege We were really really lucky It was just a weekend and do you know what Lapland obviously You all know I’m sure is in Finland and the prime minister of Finland a woman whose name escapes me but she’s rather glamorous I must say And young she was raised by two mums
STU: Oh I did not know
LOTTE: but everybody there was like super open-minded You know we were literally in the middle of nowhere in this lodge in the middle of a snowy forest not far from father Christmases actual log cabin And it was like Oh great you know two moms and a kid everybody just got it It was it was so nice Cause sometimes when you travel and you go to places that feel quite remote you do worry that
STU: Oh you worry all the time wherever you go
LOTTE: yeah And actually it was somebody that worked in the lodge that came up to me and said Oh you know in Finland our prime minister she had two months And I thought that was
STU: you were finished it
LOTTE: that was my I did I do you know what I could have really gone there with the Finnish accent And as I was starting to do it I was like no Raina and Lottie don’t do the full Finnish accent but yeah he said that to us which felt like a really nice and inclusive thing And I also just learned that the writer of the movement TAVI Hanson
STU: very well done I’m
LOTTE: She also was a lesbian and she’s a famous Finnish writer So I’m just going say
Finland is the lesbian capital of the world You heard it here first Forget key West forget Lesbos I’m going to call it and say Lapland I mean it’s called Lapland I’ll just leave that I’m just gonna leave that there
STU: leave that
LOTTE: how you used to I’m sorry I know you haven’t been on any glamorous business trips
STU: I’m very upset that I didn’t get to go And actually this year it’s the first year in a very long time that I’ve not been on an airplane some dreaming not of a white Christmas but of a white Sandy beach I keep having this fantasy about going on this wonderful beach holiday but Thursday are kind of long gone because as I’ve experienced on the trips where when we just had two children it’s stressful let alone three we’ve had a great year we were hoping not to bring it down on the Christmas spirit of things but we were hoping to have our youngest son’s adoption finalized by now And we don’t it was doing the courts in early December and cheetah an admin error
LOTTE: Oh no
Oh my God That’s so frustrating
STU: the gin due to an admin error it got adjourned and so it was not taking place at the new year and it’s just added another layer of stress because this time last year at Christmas we were in the exact time We’re in the process of desperately trying to get him home
LOTTE: because I remember
STU: And then he arrived home just in time for Christmas And now this Christmas it would have been nice to have had everything fine lies for him to legally be an Oakley with us but sadly that’s not been the case but nonetheless he’s with us He’s gorgeous I love
LOTTE: He’s part of your family A bit of
STU: he is no a hundred percent so I can’t wait for Christmas with them I’m so excited Actually
LOTTE: I’m excited for Christmas this year too But I think for lots of queer people and queer families Christmas is a complicated time And especially when you’re you’re kind of having to come up close and personal with people from your wider family who you may be avoided most of the year as we said thanks to COVID there’s maybe less of an opportunity for those um those sorts of encounters
STU: yeah I think this year in a whole has been really hard for queer people more so I mean Yeah let’s face it It’s always a challenge but I think especially this year with lockdown there’s been a lot of people especially young people who have already suffered I mean Dustin talked a lot about it in his concerns when we spoke to him out there in the air about the teams out there that are effectively locked in with potentially homophobic parents or families or people who don’t understand them And yeah I’d imagine that it’s going to be even more heightened this Christmas
LOTTE: Yeah Not not having a club or a bar or a youth group or anything to be able to escape to
STU: So obviously we are not experts So if you asked me circling and if you do need to speak to somebody or seek some advice there are some amazing support networks out there there’s the LGBT plus switchboard which you can find online and also mind I believe have some amazing resources as well And then also Stonewall posts a lot of links and a lot of support networks So please please reach out to somebody Honestly you will feel a hundred times better if you speak to somebody and a problem shared is a problem halved
LOTTE: So Christmas can be a really difficult time for lots of queer families too What would you what would your advice be to people who are maybe having to come up close and personal with members of their wider family who perhaps don’t understand their family dynamic or support it
STU: God that’s a really hard one I mean apart from speaking to those organizations who can offer obviously professional I would say I always say seek out try and seek out other like-minded people that you can potentially speak to And whilst you need to be incredibly careful with social media and people you’re speaking to I think that there are some really safe spaces online where you can meet fellow queers Who are either in the same position as you or have been through what you’ve been through And as long as you’re being safe and you’re using one of the safe spaces out there I would say that is potentially a tip I would give I’m
LOTTE: not a professional
Yeah I mean for me I in my experience I’d suggest like literally keeping your distance from people you don’t You don’t have to sit next to or talk to you or engage with the person that you know has a problem with you and your family you don’t And I think sometimes we feel like a duty to try and fix it or change someone’s mind And you know sometimes it’s just not worth the expenditure of your emotional energy and actually just Remove yourself from the room Don’t sit next to them Don’t engage with them And I think that’s okay Like you’ve got to really protect yourself and your and your family but something I was thinking is that if you’re with your kids and your your partner and you’re in a family Christmas situation and someone calls into question In front of other people and specifically in front of your children if somebody calls into question your your family and its validity then I absolutely think you do have a responsibility to to set them straight for want of a better word I think when your kids are there witnessing it you can’t just brush it off because then they’ll learn that that’s what you do And I think
STU: becomes learned behavior
LOTTE: I think you do need to correct them and show your child that you’re proud and that you’re willing to you know explain to someone what what the truth of your family is
STU: And I think depending on the situation you’re in as long as you feel safe in the situation you’re in I mean physically safe to do so I think this year the one thing that has really educated a lot of people especially with black lives matter is you need to stand up to people and you need to point out when what they say especially actually if they’re saying it and just an off the cuff way you need to call them out on it and you need to say that’s not okay You don’t speak about someone like that You don’t talk about people in that way And that’s not okay because that whole idea of Oh they’re just old Oh it’s the older generation I think people are just like it just it just doesn’t fly anymore and people need to call out casual racism call out casual homophobia
LOTTE: Also something I’ve been thinking about is the fact that when often when we return home to like our family home or with our elders we can quite quickly revert to being the child again And I think it’s really important to remember that We’re grownups now and we have our own families and that we don’t have to feel like we need to please our parents or a wider family And the way maybe we did when we were a teenager And if you’re really really uncomfortable somewhere you can leave like to just remind yourself of that Like you don’t need to be in a situation where you feel unsafe or Unseen even you can just get up and go even if it feels awkward at the time you know maybe it’s the right thing to do for your family So I think kind of remembering that sense of agency is also also really important And you know if you don’t get on with your family if your family haven’t welcomed you and your kids and your partner into their lives then just make your own traditions you know start again how lovely to have that opportunity
STU: I mean quick family traditions as well at Christmas is quite an exciting thing as well Like many things in our life with our families we get to almost Set the rule book and make up our own rules and do our own things Have you got any Jeff’s doesn’t have to be queer but what are your like yeah What your your Christmas traditions
LOTTE: I think we’re quite kind of new to thinking of ourselves as our own family is autonomous to our wider families so we were quite new to it I don’t think we do anything particularly gay uh at Christmas other than just being like
STU: don’t get up and dance to Christine and the
LOTTE: Queens But I always always do that anyways So it’s not even festive
STU: this is quite gay anyway
isn’t So it’s actually the other way or the heteronormative out there suddenly become queer at
LOTTE: Yeah but something we’ve talked about before is like queering kids toys and presents And we spoke before about how I bought two packs of Sylvanian families and created a two dads family and a two moms family outfit So I think doing things like that and buying books that support and celebrate gay families is is a really nice thing to do
STU: Totally Which leads to some too Giving and receiving no listener no uh presence So we have our favorite thing Which has books I mean I don’t know if you know listener but Dottie has written a book So she is an author We have an author in the room and this is also a little precursor to something that we’re planning to do in series two which more information will follow but we’re planning a book special Lottie Jeff’s where we spend a whole hour and a half talking about Lottie’s book
No she’s done enough of that list No we’re not doing that but no we have some lovely books from some amazing publishers
LOTTE: Should we go through
STU: yes Some queer family Christmas books And while you do that I’m just going to pop open hoof a bit of Christmas
LOTTE: help yourself Okay So the first book we have is actually written by a guest of ours from series one Riyadh Calif And I would say that this is a great book to by a young queer boy teenager or trans boy Who is just coming to terms with their gender and sexuality It’s called yay You’re gay Now it’s a gay boys guide to life It’s got a lovely cover It’s really easy to read very digestible and I think it would make I think it would make it
STU: Do you think it would make a good you’ve read it haven’t you I’ve not
LOTTE: I’ve had a I’ve had a flip I didn’t go into depth with the information about pre-cum Et cetera but I never knew that that was a thing until
STU: learned You’ve been educated through the book because what I was going to say is do you think actually this would be a good present for a parent of a queer child
LOTTE: possibly
STU: teenager so that they can understand them a little bit more Yeah I mean honestly we are photos in this are quite included
LOTTE: Yeah it’s a lovely book that is finished by Francis Francis Lincoln So that’s available in all good
STU: take I’m putting that in my bag
LOTTE: an idea for something to buy perhaps your partner or a grownup in your life That’s I’m interested in queer families Trans parenting is Alexandra Hensley’s new book somebody to love It’s a family story So hopefully we’re going to get her in on the show next season her husband transitioned So the the news that her husband was going to transition with delivered while their baby slept quietly in the next room So I think a really fascinating
memoir well
STU: So we have to so little people big
LOTTE: I love that series Have you got any of them for your
STU: kids Yes we’ve got lots of them home and I love them but I think these are two fairly new ones that look rather exciting especially the Elton John
LOTTE: one
STU: Look at this it’s sparkly jacket sparkly glasses it screams Elton and I always loved the illustrations in these books that
LOTTE: always
STU: But this one particularly I think is absolutely stunning So there’s one on Elton and then there is another one on Billie Jean King the lesbian tennis pro So is her story which actually I must have met I don’t know her life story
LOTTE: Well there you go Do they read bite size You’ll probably get through that in a matter of
STU: I know I’m going to read this now while you talk about the other
LOTTE: Okay So we have have other books we’re with three one is called loud and proud LGBTQ speeches that empower and inspire with a foreword by Peter Tatchell That looks like one for your activist teenager
for smaller people is the the ABC of equality So just to open it a random M is for multicultural We are have a world of many T is for trans that gender you know best who you are Lovely This is the sort
of book that it makes me cry when I read it to my
STU: that is a proper young hardback perk That is lovely Britain by China Chanel Ewing
LOTTE: Okay so queer heroes this looks like a super fun book this is meeting 53 LGBTQ heroes from past and present written by Aribel and illustrated by Sarah Tanner Jones And it’s a really fun front cover It’s got loads of different queer heroes in it’s very vibrant and fun But full of information Oh Kristen Stewart my old friend it’s opened on her so yeah really
STU: fame Why is
LOTTE: I told you my Oh have I not told you my Kristin Stewart
STU: please tell me the
LOTTE: I basically went on an incredibly wild night out with her once Well I interviewed her for a cover of a magazine and we really hit it off hung out with her a bit in LA And then when she came over to London for a Chanel party I was at that Chanel party because I was there
STU: Oh sorry What was that
LOTTE: name drops
STU: dropping brands and names all over the floor I do I do I do I do
LOTTE: Okay we went to this party I was editing L at the time so I got invited to the party a completely different world from my world now by the way And yeah we just hung out and then we went on like this kind of rampage around London together with her Security detail and publicist Do you know what it was The night of Brexit It was the night that Brexit was like the referee the vote the results of the referendum came in because I remember being in the back of the car Over 5:00 AM with Kristen Stewart and being like Oh my God Brexit’s happened And then trying to explain to her what breaks it was and then being like I have got to go home now She was really nice and normal and hopefully she will be on the show when she has her own queer family One day
And finally Steve do you want to tell everyone about this one which I think is going to be your favorite
STU: but it’s pink and it’s Pass over
LOTTE: on give him
STU: wires Wow princess Kevin So Kevin is a princess Others may laugh but Kevin does not care Kevin is a princess and that is that Well listen uh I think you get the gist and I think you get the fact that this is a beautiful book I would actually love this as well because obviously my son loves dressing up in his princess dress
LOTTE: Oh he’ll probably love it It’d be really nice and validating for him Yeah
STU: I think he’d love this and I have one to bring to the table as well that was sent to us it’s high five to the hero 15 classic tales retold for boys who dare to be different it’s all about breaking down that toxic masculinity from an early age And it’s about teaching young boys which I would definitely love to read to not only my boys but to my daughter about how they can be brave and powerful in so many different ways So I’m very excited for this book and I think that’s a definite
LOTTE: So there you go That’s your Christmas list Sorted we have got a treat for you this episode We dropped into the London gay men’s chorus rehearsal
STU: I was so excited Because what says Christmas more than a group of gay men in one room singing Christmas carols I mean honestly what a treat So here we go It’s our first like live moving report
LOTTE: Yeah We go out and about
STU: out and about so Let’s go live or not So live let’s go back to
LOTTE: retrospectively go back to London singing some special gay-friendly Christmas songs for us
(INSERT LONDON G M C)
LGMC: Okay. I’m Simon sharp here. We are just church in common garden and I’m the artistic director. My name is Jess and I’m one of the tenor ones. My name’s Sam and we are currently rehearsing for a Christmas show home. My name is Paul Lancaster and I am a 10 to one. And, um, I’ve been in the chorus for 19 years.
We’re standing outside some fools, church and cotton garden. We were rehearsing for our forthcoming show, which is coming up. Uh, at the clapping grand on the 20th called homo, they can buy tickets and find out all about us and our website, www.ldngmc.co.uk forward slash performances. It’s a Christmas show about 15 men or, um, in a bubble together isolating personness bringing festive, cheer to the nation.
You’re the only game is chorus. It’s a huge family, really. I mean, it’s an organization that, you know, is ultimately a performance group, but the group is mostly kind of the glue is, is the community. And there’s some really special friendships sort have been born there. I am a dad for many, many years. I’ve got three children, three grown-up children, two boys and a girl I would dispose nearly 34.
A second. Boy is 13 and my baby girl is 26 now. So you’re about to hear, uh, a Christmas classic called coming out on the Christmas. And we’d like to get you all a very Merry Christmas from everyone at the under. In course, I just want to wish everybody a Merry Christmas and lots of love from the London gay men’s chorus, everyone, a Merry Christmas and a safe and happy new year from the London gay men’s chorus to everybody out there.
Listening from the London gay men’s chorus. We’d like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy 2021.
dad and mom.
is the Christmas come first and gets that attention.
say, can you see, is now watch my parents have a cow. Or perhaps if they take his car
then they’ll say, we always guess
we’re not quite that tense. My dear.
why don’t you
make that choice? .
LOTTE: Oh that was so good I loved it
STU: I am failing so festive now I mean it also helps that I was trying my fiery whisky Christmas spirit during that I’m now going to pop open That’s too small smaller glass latte too Small glass We need a bigger one
LOTTE: So we know you may be listening to this podcast at the beginning of the day on your way to work sipping a latte or a frappuccino but we dear listener are recording this podcast after sundown And that means one thing to parents everywhere Alcohol
STU: We have soaked in gin
LOTTE: We are soaked We are dripping It is coming out of our pores
STU: listeners please drink responsibly but it gave us the idea That we always like a typical on the show latte We always like to have a drink that we should do something on the show and call it mother’s ruin where we have something every week but then we don’t want to be heteronormative and we want to be inclusive to everybody So scrap mother’s ruin We are having a sip of our parents ruin
LOTTE: you may like to rethink the time of day that you listened to this podcast So you can join us in a drink But today we are having our delicious Christmas tip halls So we’ve got three drinks in front of us from it not on the high street
STU: Love not on a high street The ladies there are fabulous and treated us with these Glorious
LOTTE: you know I didn’t even know not on the high street Did
STU: They do I’m very excited by that fact because when I’m I’m ordering my personalized knickknacks I can order a bottle of gin
LOTTE: personalized
STU: Okay Lottie which should we start with first We have We have a quarantine with all profits being donated to NHS charities fabulous round of applause again for NHS charities I’ve missed standing outside doing that
LOTTE: I do it I still do it every
STU: I hated it towards the end mostly because it just meant having chit chat with the bothered with
I think we should start with the quarantining
LOTTE: I’m all for that
STU: Oh well I just splashed a bit over the mic
LOTTE: Glug glug Wow Are you supposed to pull that much
STU: Okay It’s Christmas chairs Merry Christmas Merry Christmas
LOTTE: Do
STU: family lost you Can I just say how nice it is to not be on
LOTTE: Oh my God So nice Although it is a bit disappointing I can’t just meet you
STU: or leave the room immediately as you often
LOTTE: Yeah
STU: Okay Bye now Good night Bye Boom He’s gone She’s left
LOTTE: That’s the equivalent of a French exit on zoom
STU: Always always Havi your finger over the leave button or end button I think everybody has learned that trick Now
LOTTE: you know it was so nice for me to hear the gay men’s chorus because normally myself and my How ream of gay male friends go out and sing Christmas carols together every Christmas And they I mean I just go along cause I love watching them sing cause they get so into it and they have got booming baritones and they really really go for it
STU: I would know I would be no good then
LOTTE: Well you’ve got a lovely voice but it doesn’t matter but that’s needed in an ensemble Stu I realized that earlier I didn’t ask you about your Christmas traditions and what you do in your family
STU: noticed So I’m just going to sit here bitterly drinking my bottle I’m going to try and hang up
LOTTE: What’s it like
STU: Oh that is very strong
LOTTE: Is it sweet one Okay
STU: So my family traditions we have the the Christmas family tradition I think the majority of other families have which is the alpha on a shelf Do you do about from the shelf with your
LOTTE: I don’t even understand what it
STU: is I almost think if you haven’t started it just don’t Because everybody who starts it Well there having said that the joy on the kids’ faces is amazing So those who don’t know alpha on the shelf the basic premise is you buy this elf which is super cute It’s a little with a little red like outfit and then magically he appears somewhere in your house On December the first and you and there’s a little picture book that can go with her and you give him a name So ours is named Edwin after my granddad Edwin the elf and he basically pops up every single day But does very mischievous things so for example like the other day I needed to get rid of some of our dead roses that are in the forest but the kids didn’t even know they were dead They just saw them as flowers So I decided any evening I literally ripped up these roses through the petals all over the house and then sat the elf in the middle of the floor with half the bunch of flowers the kids got up in the morning They get up excited every single month So it’s like Christmas morning Every single morning and they get up and go let’s go find Edwin where’s Edwin today Cause
LOTTE: Oh okay And every day he does
STU: Every day he does something He’s either somewhere he’s either done something naughty or he’s done something funny or he’s just in a really unusual strange place So you can just you can just have a lot Yeah And the idea is but my favorite thing about is that everyone night he goes home to father and tell her father Christmas How you have been doing which is the
LOTTE: beauty I
STU: it because Edwin’s always watching I think you can almost buy Edwin CCTV cameras There’s not Edwin elf on the shelf CCTV
LOTTE: he’s so badly behaved
STU: I did think about that There was a chink in the in the story I was thinking that yesterday when cause this morning I shall I put him on an empty bottle of wine and I pretended that he drank my wine
LOTTE: shouldn’t he be doing really good stuff and show it in setting a good example Don’t mean to undermine the whole concept of our fund a shelf
STU: I’ll have him like donating to the NHS So anyway this morning I was actually sewing up Edwin’s asshole Just to throw that one out there I decided to put a twin in our NutriBullet that was my husband’s reaction And I said no no no no no I’ll put him in the cup and I’ll use one of the cups that doesn’t have the plates in it And I put it on the neutropenia So when the kids got up in the morning they saw Edwin in the NutriBullet and they were all laughing Daddy how you can do your shakes out blah blah blah blah They found it hilarious when they one was at nursery One was at school One was having a nap I thought I’d made myself a shake and I noticed how the internal bit
LOTTE: wait had you taken the elf
STU: I take any alfalfa I’ve painted the side Yeah Cause that’s the other thing as well They’re not allowed to touch the elf because
LOTTE: uh
STU: so they can’t be playing with it all So I put them to the side and I noticed there’s a little internal mechanism on the NutriBullet and I thought Oh I wonder if he could sit on that and then spin around and the kids would find it really funny I have a piece is brilliant Let me test it And I put it on and then all of a sudden it just started going
LOTTE: Oh my God You shredded an elf
STU: blood went everywhere Except it wasn’t blood is because he wears a red felt it all gone up He had gaping also
LOTTE: Oh no no no
STU: Oh they’re little little bits inside of him were falling out I panicked because I needed to go and get the kids So I quickly sell it take him up put him back in They would know no difference And then when they’d gone to bed I had to basically use my really bad sewing skills to sew up his ass So but the operation was a success It’s all good
LOTTE: Wow Let that be a lesson to you
STU: Do you not try putting your hours in a NutriBullet because it does not end Well
LOTTE: Thank you so much for joining us on our some family’s Christmas special We’ll be back early next year and you can keep up with what’s coming next on Instagram and Twitter at some families pod or you can send us an email some families@storyhunter.co.uk
STU: latte I am so excited about the fact that we have series two coming And honestly I want to say a huge thank you to all the listeners to everybody that has supported our little podcast
So we want to say thank you for everybody That’s listened Please spread the word If you can I said little Christmas present to Lottie and I our bank details are no I’m joking No please go to Apple podcast Please leave us a review Please rate us because it does make a huge difference and it would make our
LOTTE: Christmas May I just suggest that if people are at a loss for what to buy as a Christmas present that they do consider Mike Burke how to be a gentler woman the art of soft power and hard times It it it really does have some fabulous advice in it for our locked
STU: Okay That’s enough Lottie Thank you very much Thank you listener No but seriously it is a very good read It’s one you can put in the toilet and I mean that in the nicest no I mean when you’re sitting in somebody’s
WC and you’re able to flick through and get a bit of good advice while you’re doing your business
LOTTE: Um so Merry Merry Christmas to you and your families have a lovely lovely festive
STU: Merry Christmas and here to play us out is the London gay men’s